I love Passion. It is like bookends to my year, both starting and ending it in a mindframe that I strive to hold throughout the year. A life that is here only to serve others, sometimes seen, but most of the time not. Last year was my first year volunteering and it blew me away. I was prepared for what I was going to see, but this year seemed so different. We were of one mind and body. Motives were plainly visable, whether good or bad. It's always powerful, but this year was somehow MORE powerful. It's always completely focused on God and changing the injustices of the world, but this year even more. Not just b/c of the amount of dollars given, but Christ's love for the poor pierced our hearts and we could not help but respond. A LOT of the church volunteered and I honestly think it made a huge difference. It was worship for us!
It's been a year, that's for sure. This time last year I was on my face in prayer wanting so badly to go and help my friends in Haiti. I didn't know that only a week later I would be there with people from all over the world doing what we could to help those hurt get better, but knowing that only God can heal. I reread those blogs and look at the pictures with wonder...did I really live that!?!
Africa entered my world and changed my heart forever. I really wish I could find the shirt that people wear saying "I need Africa more than Africa needs me." I still look back on those days and marvel at how much I learned and how it so quickly changed my perspective of God and what he desires for his people...and that he uses US to do it. What an honor! Not a day goes by that I don't think about those I have come across.
In all honesty, work has been rough. Not patients or traumas, but the typical growing pains every department has to go through. Many times I have thought, "God, this is NOT what I signed on to stay for!" I've comforted many friends having a hard time at work and dreading the moment of going in, but it's different when it's you. You let your entire day be stolen because you are walking on eggshells, constantly worried about what will be said to you and how you will react. It's miserable. I've had to learn a lot this year (mostly in a span of the last 3 months)...and not all easy things. But now that I am aware, I know how to apply it and learn and grow. There is always something to perfect and work on in yourself, if not, than you need to be humbled. I just pray that I am a good representative of Christ through it all. It would be my devastation to ever find out that someone looked at me and thought...if that's Christ, I want nothing to do with it. He's been so good to me, I want His goodness to pour out of me.
Community is finally here! There have been tough months of wondering if some of the most treasured friendships I have are even real, or if they are only real to me. That I think more of it than the other person. In some cases...yes...that was exactly the case and the season ended. In most cases, I found that a lot of us felt that way. We all felt out of the loop, last to know, left out, not invited...and yet it was never intentional. However, I think that once we all realized we all feel that, we were well on the road to creating a community that's inviting, not exclusive. I praise God for the precious friendships that have been born out of volunteering at church, going to Africa, genuinely living my life out at work, and keeping some close ties to home.
New years is always a bittersweet time for me. I get sad about things coming to a close, especially when so much happened and now it will be referred to as last year, then a few years ago, then back in 2010. But the other half gets excited about the unknown. Things happen every year that are unscripted...and those are usually the most impactful. I have high hopes for 2011. I may not get to leave the country, I'll still try and be the best nurse I can be, I may still be in the same little one bedroom apartment this time next year, but I'll be a better me. A me that, I pray, looks more like my Father.
Consecrate yourselves TODAY, for TOMORROW He will do amazing things among you.
