It's time for summer Laura to appear and winter Laura with darker hair will not appear again until next fall. =) And I figured it was a nice little emphasis on the huge change that was made official yesterday.
Over the past couple of months God and I have been having some very serious conversations, several tears, and a major tug of war with my heart. I wish I could say that the whole time God and I were trying to figure out what to do with my life, that I was completely on board and never once wondered if I was doing the right thing. Let me go back and explain...
With the ecomony being the way it is right now, EVERYONE is cutting back...that includes hospitals and healthcare. It's expensive to bring on a traveler on board and since they are cutting their own staff, they certainly aren't going to keep a temporary nurse around. The jobs just aren't coming in like they were. That being said, Children's Healthcare of Atlanta has asked me to come on board as staff numerous times, but I wasn't really ready to take the plunge. I went into travel nursing thinking that I wouldn't stop until I A)Loved a city so much that I couldn't even think of leaving b/c I had finally found my place or B)Met someone, fell in love and decided to finally settle down and start a family. Let me be the first to say that I have experienced neither of those things here. I have however developed friendships that have changed my life, found a church that preaches the Word and reaches out to the community in a major way, and work at a hospital that is at the forefront of researching better ways to make kids lives better...and I could get back into the trauma room, a place I miss. All that should be a no brainer to want to stay...ecomony stinks, I'd actually have a job while so many are left without, and I have a great life here.
On the other hand I was going to have to do things that I have not missed at all being a traveler. Triage, rape kits, abuse cases, getting sent home early, staff meetings, evaluations, work place politics...the list goes on. Not to mention that I felt like I had no choice in the matter. I felt like my wings were being clipped before I was ready. I didn't know where I wanted to travel and didn't really want to leave ATL, but I didn't like dealing with the realization that my dream of travel nursing only got to last 9 short months. I loved having everything I needed in life fit into my car...this posed another issue that I didn't even realize was a problem. I think it had actually become a point of pride for me...it was freeing, I was a simple person, not materialistic. NOW, I was going to have to find a place to live and buy furniture...how much was I going to let myself spend on it. I need it, I need it to last, but I also need to be realistic about it. I quickly found that pride can be at the root of everything that I do. I'm pretty self sufficient, never really ask for help, I'd rather do things myself and get it done right the first time that ask someone to do it or help and then have to go back and redo it. Pride.
That's why there was a tug of war. I completely feared that if I left I would never again have the friends that I have here and it would never be the same if I ever came back, that I would hate every other hospital I'd go to, and that I would be longing to have the teaching, worship and fellowship that I so missed while I was in Philly. On the other hand, I completely feared that if I stayed I would never be able to travel again, my friendships would change anyways with or without me, and I'd have to do all of the above nursing issues. I wish I could say I totally trusted God and whatever He said I was going to do, but guess what, I had fear. I took it to Him daily and he provided...in a HUGE way.
1) I already have churches that I love (one is just getting started) and the friendship that I have are in no way coming to an end just because our Bible Study did...we already have plans to start some new things in May. I just love these women and what they have poured into my life is priceless.
2) I found a really nice apartment in a nice/safe part of town in my price range. I am actually really excited about "having my own place" decorating it how I want, my own bed and furniture. I found a great deal on a table and some other affordable living room sets.
3) I already know everyone at work and people keep telling me how excited they are about me staying...that just does a heart good. I am coming on full time and have the option after six months of dropping down to a status that actually will allow me to continue my medical missions AND take travel assignments! Who gets that kind of flexibility with their job!?!
Best of all I am at peace...the peace that transcends all understanding. I feel like I didn't make any of these decisions, but not in a bad way. It was just like God said, "This is what you are going to do, I have the best for you, are you going to trust me in this?" to which I say "Here I am Lord, send me! Even if that means staying where I'm at!" My life has been cake since August and I came to Atlanta knowing big things were going to happen. Maybe the big things were just to occur in my heart and teaching and stretching me. He's keeping me here for a reason. Though unknown to me, I will rise daily in eager expection of great things.
So on May 9th, I move to Savannah at Park Place, go back down to the Dominican, visit my new nephew Ethan Davis (due May 30th) and then start as staff on June 15th. It's official! All my ducks are in a row and they're quackin'!
